So.  Wow.  It’s been a long time.

It’s been a long, stressful couple of months/years.

Sitting here thinking about all that has been and all that could be.  Interesting.

Nothing more.  Interesting.

So – where have we been?  Well, ranging from way far to the good and fairly far to the bad.  I don’t think I’ve ever been really far to the bad, but for me, I’ve been pretty far.  The last few years haven’t really been that bad.  But I will say they have been – unpredictable.

For me that is bad.  It’s not horrible.  But it’s not great either.

So, I sit here and ponder the future.  Recently I connected with an old “friend”.  Someone who I respect and admire.  Or I respected and admired.  There are fewer and fewer reasons to respect or admire him. He has not been a good friend over the last few years.

I like to think I’m predictable.  I like predictable.  He is never predictable.  He never has been.  But the other night, after many, many, many months of not hearing from him, we connect.  Not one-on-one of course. That would require a lot of energy.  But a group setting.  Many minutes/hours go by before we actually talk face-to-face.

I guess at this point I’m sort of immune to the dynamic.  But the nuance is not missed on me.  Friend of 12+ years.  Meet each other at happy hour after not seeing each other for 6+ months.  And 2+ hours laters he acknowledges I’m there.  Nice.

Ok, so it’s not about me.  Yeah.  It turns out, like always, it’s about him.  Yeah, him.  Always him.

Fast forward.  We’re leaving.  I let me him know that over the last 2+ year he has been “flighty”, “recluse” and “unreliable”.  My wagon isn’t tied to his carriage so I’m not apologetic….he apologies.  Then we talk about what’s “next”. “Let’s get together” he says.  Sure – “how about next weekend?”; “I’m busy”…..”maybe you and <insert ex’s name here> can come see me?”.


“Well, we would except I’m not married anymore.”…….long, awkward, pause…..”I didn’t know.”……Yeah, no.  You didn’t.  That would require some level of communication and “friendship”.  Long explanation later – with many excuses why he should of known…we part ways.

On the way home in the car the phone rings – “Hi”….”I’m sorry, I would of been a better friend if I had known”….”Well, if you were a good friend, my situation should not change how ‘good’ of a friend you would have be”…”But it’s water under the bridge – we need to move on”….”I’m glad you see it that way – let’s get together soon”…..

So, my dear, this is why I cherish you.

You stand by me.  When I stop and look around, I see you.  No one else.  I see you.

I called you afterwards and could not remember why.  That is why.  I see you.

I have some friends.  You have many.  I cherish my friends because they are few and far between. I don’t try hard to keep in touch, so the friends I still have are “all in”.  They know me and I know them.  I doubt we have ever spoken about it, but they know.  It’s just how I roll.  I’m committed to them without any need to interact with them or be with them or hear from them. If they need something, I’ll be there.  If I need something, I expect them to be there.

This is where you and I are different.  You want, need, and like interaction.  I don’t.  In fact, I don’t like it.  If for some god forsaken reason I need it, it will be a thing.  A real thing.  I’m not sure it has actually happened, but it may have.  Once or twice.

So listen to me when I say – I….called…..You.  That’s a thing.  A real thing.

So, I called you to say – thank you for being there.  Through thick and thin.  I will admit we – you and I – created a lot of the thick and thin, but you have been there.  In fact, you have been there when I didn’t know I needed someone.  You have been there when I wanted someone and when I didn’t want someone.  You annoy me and I love you because of it.

I will never be able to adequately express to you how much “being there” means to me.  So believe me when I say – it’s a thing.  A real thing.  143…