I desire.

I desire you.

Desire. Desire more.

I can’t have you.

You are unattainable.

Yes, unattainable.

Not for lack of want.

Not for lack of trying.

Well, I lack trying. I don’t try. I can’t try. I want to try. I can’t try.

Ha – lack of trying. Don’t even know where to start with that one.

So, know this. I want to try. I even try at times. I do at times. I can not follow through.

I want follow through. You know that. But I can’t.

So I say, it is a matter of time. I want to believe that. I desire that to be true.

I can not tell you that is true. I wish the path was clear. Here is why.

I’m a pussy. I can’t pull the band aide off. You need to know that.

I’m working on it – courage.

The courage to do something. I want to believe it is the right thing, but I can’t say it is right.

I don’t know what right is anymore. I don’t know what love is any more.

But I know desire.

I desire you.

I want it to be right. I want it to be easy. I want it to be complete.

I’m a pussy. I’m sorry for that.

I hope you can forgive me. But there is one other thing I want you to know.

I don’t want you to wait – just for me. I want you to be happy. I dread the thought of you with someone else, but I dread the thought of you being unhappy or alone even more. You deserve more.

I’m not asking you to wait and I’m demanding you don’t.

But I need to do what I need to do – on my time scale. I thought I would be different now, but it is not. Things have changed. I don’t know how or what, but they are different.

Some things have changed. Some haven’t.

I desire change. I desire stability. I desire. You.

Have I mentioned I hate change. I desire change, but hate change.

Funny – I never thought I’d be here. Speaking to a mythical you. A fantasy. A dream.

Desire – the dream of it being reality.
Desire – “the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state”.
Desire – all that it can be for now.

Be well. Know that love and happiness is all you deserve. Know that you will have it (again) someday. I wish I knew when.

Desire – “an inclination to want things”

Not things. You.