At some point today, I had words. I don’t anymore.  All I have left are tears.

I’m feeling like I’m being kicked while I’m already down. As if, when I can conceive of nothing else going wrong, something else does.

My best friend was there for me today, when I needed someone the most.

But I couldn’t be there for him when he needed me.  Instead, I’m sure I caused him undue grief.  Not that I directly caused it… but I did.

I shouldn’t have tears anymore.  I need to grow up and move on; I need to start being proactive instead of reactive – something I’ve tried to instill at work.

Oh work… my safe haven.  My safe haven that’s been ripped out from under me like the parlor trick of ripping the table cloth off the table.  Except in my case, all the china and glassware have been broken.

I have questions that I need answers to.  Some are more abstract; some are more concrete. I have no idea where to start though. It’s not like I have a list. Having a list would been that I have clear thoughts. I’m sure that only makes sense in my head…

I am more emotional than I want to be. I am more of a girl than I want to be. I am more needy that I want to be. And right now, these things are biting me in the ass.

I would love to keep in all in, but I know I can’t. I need to get it out.  I need to spend some time and get it out. Can you spend some time to get it out?

I had words at some point this evening… before I cried. Now I have no idea anymore. Perhaps that’s a good thing; letting go of my thoughts.