What do you do when you have feelings – intense feelings?

Feelings that you normally have while under the influence.

Feelings you now have while not under the influence.

I’ve had feelings for a while.  They were intense.  Then not as intense.  Still intense, but not as intense.

But always very intense while drinking – well, after drinking 😉

Now I have the same intense feelings.  All.  The.  Time.

Is that good?  Or is that bad?

It’s good and bad.

Bad because I need to bury them.  Good because they are still there.

Bad because it complicates things.  Good because it complicates things.

Bad because they may fade.  Good because they have not.

It’s conflicting.  Very.

I so desperately want black and white.  I want an easy answer.  I want simple.

Nothing is simple.  Nothing is easy.

Perhaps it’s not about easy or simple – it’s about making everyone happy.  I can’t do that.  Yet I want the answer to provide universal understanding, acceptance, and happiness.

Perhaps it’s about guilt – the guilt of being happy while inflicting pain?

Perhaps it’s just the fear of the unknown?

Perhaps it’s just fear.