It’s been a shitty, shitty month for me.  I am dealing with all of the “major crisis” issues:

  • Divorce
  • Selling a house and moving
  • Job changes (including being fired)
  • Severe illness with a child
  • The breakup of a relationship

And today, I heard some horrific news.  I coworker, though not close, has died.

  • Death

Some people can’t deal with any ONE of these things contained by itself.  I am dealing with all at the same time.

But this is not a pity party. Ironically, I able to focus on the extremely positive things.  I have a family that is amazingly supportive and loving.  I have a child who is remarkable considering what he has overcome.  The possibility that today I have just lost both jobs that I thought that I had yesterday is a good thing.  Perhaps it is because Thanksgiving is two days away that I am able to focus on the positive…

But I am rocked by Mike’s death.  As I said, I was not close to him.  Not withstanding… he has become an outlet for my tears.  A man I can count on one hand the times I met him.  But he will always remain vivid in my memory: with his bowtie and his red shoes.  🙂

It’s all just too much.  I teeter back and forth:  did I break a mirror? what did I do to deserve such karma?

to: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I will survive and come out a better person.

I could use a little mercy though… a small glimmer that, indeed, it will all work out.  That it all does work out in the end.  Please let it work out in the end.

I need a hug, and the one person that I truly, desperately need that from isn’t available right now.  And I don’t know if he ever will.

Everything happens for a reason.  Please let that be true.