I’ve been thinking a lot about what is next.  What are the next steps.  There are two possible routes.

  1. Commit to working things out
  2. Commit to not working things out

Here’s the problem.  I have not been trying to work things out.  I’ve been lying to myself.  And I’m totally full of shit.

I am hedging.  I am waiting for one of the shoes to drop before making a decision.  Why?  Well, that’s how I roll.  It’s far easier to keep status quo than deal with the drama of either situation (1) or (2).

I think I suck as a human being.  I am causing pain, and hate, and negative energy.  I need to stop that.  But what is the best route?

But stopping will also cause pain, hate, and negative energy.  There is simply no good path forward now.

It is time for a decision.  It is time to get real.  It is time to stop.  It’s time to try.